by Snyde
Wed, 3 Jan 2024
Read in 7 minutes
On and on it spins.
As we step confidently toward the Vortex’s upcoming 6th anniversary, the roiling seas of music discourse have never been more frigid. Even the safe waters of the Vortex are awash in digression and disillusion. The Aussies are locked in a state of perpetual mental human centipede, the Ameros continue to foist their collective mental illness upon the world across yet another platform, and the Euros barely muster a peep on their most active days.
It becomes tough to see past the fog and focus on what is most important: fairness and accuracy.
Fortunately, as Shakira taught us, the sheets don’t lie and a set of 10 records inevitably drifted out of the main body of the great musical garbage patch. Let’s dive right in.
9) TIE Spirit Possession - …Of the Sign & Agriculture - s/t
Dødheimsgard’s Black Medium Current took the music world by storm, receiving praise from several publications, mainstream and otherwise, and appearing on many vortex users' year-end top lists. As per usual with DHG records, it is a demanding and unconventional listen (to a fault, some would argue), challenging long-established rules of the genres it pretends to root itself in to create a unique and intensely flavorful experience. Obviously this means that it only made it to #11 on the sheet, snubbed by a (in truth, quite adept) Deafheaven retread, and a basic black metal album nobody really cares about. If justice is blind, the vortex is deaf.
8) Temblad - Hallucignosis
Having said a few words on Temblad in the mid-year post, I’ll take this spot to highlight the herculean efforts of one Goldicot, who trudged through endless swarms of new releases, amounting to a frankly astounding total of 3502 rates (a mind-boggling 25% of all the rates added to the 2023 spreadsheet). Without his (fool)hardy dedication, it is likely that this excellent death metal album would have slipped through the cracks.
7) Hellripper - Warlocks Grim & Withered Hags
Hellripper hangs on to the top of the charts by virtue of fitting the sort of mold that is the least offensive to the most users of the vortex. An enjoyable venom metal experience to be sure, but while it certainly satisfies when it needs to, it’s far from James McBain’s best effort. In fact, Warlocks brings forth yet more evidence of Hellripper’s trend toward bloated and unengaging songwriting.
6) Phobocosm - Foreordained
A rare December entry into the yearly top 10, Phobocosm spun the death-heads into a tizzy with it’s fantastic production and dark, pulsating rhythms. Foreordained is indeed a step up from Bringer of Drought and is certain to have more staying power. Phobocosm sit at the edge of becoming a death/doom band, which may have doomers asking for slower songs and death fiends asking for quicker progressions. Foreordained manages to satisfy both crowds. All things considered, not a bad place to be as a band in the death metal space.
5) Gridlink - Coronet Juniper
The highly anticipated sequel to the grindcore smash hit Longhena, Coronet Juniper fails to live up to the frantic swings of its predecessor. No one was annoyed or disgusted by it which, in the vortex, means loyalist true-believers will have their say by dragging this flatly-produced, flatly-written, not-particularly-grindy grindcore record to the top 5. Oh well, np: Longhena.
4) Convocation - No Dawn for the Caliginous Night
Convocation’s ascent toward (not quite but pretty much funeral) doom royalty continued in 2023, with the remarkable lack of a single negative rate, even from the Vortex’s most hardline funeral doom haters. Not for nothing, as No Dawn delivers on a funereal experience without nary a single dragged out section throughout its 48 minutes and a bevy of diverse, emotionally resonant set pieces. Finally something worthy of the “fun doom” moniker.
3) Stortregn - Finitude
Following Impermanence with Finitude (apart from the obvious semantic consistency) may have been impossible for a lesser band. I myself did not believe Stortregn had the gumption, much less the competence to do it. Having predicted their downfall, I listened in equal parts wonder and disbelief as they delivered crushing riffs, techno-cosmic moods and varied instrumental high jinks. Sometimes being wrong feels pretty good.
2) Marduk - Memento Mori
Some may say Marduk doesn’t deserve the #2 spot and it’s easy to agree with such statements. After all, Memento Mori does not deviate from the black metal blueprint established 30 years ago by… Marduk themselves. But let’s consider things from a different perspective. Contextualizing Memento Mori within the band’s long and inconsistent career, it’s wonderful to see them succeed after a few records of questionable quality, energized by recently recruited drummer Simon Schilling’s tremendous performance and a newfound flair for the dramatic.
1) Horrendous - Ontological Mysterium
Even as I listen to Ontological Mysterium yet again, I cannot help but struggle to find a definite thread, a logical transition, the proper sequence of musical phrasing and the conclusion to which it portends. In terms of sheer musical confusion Horrendous easily makes #1, although, that observation alone might make my repeated incursions worth the investment in and of itself. The one consistently negative point that every Horrendous record has been burdened with since their inception - terribly puny vocals - seems to serve as the anchor to my experience of Ontological Mysterium. As a fan of incredibly messy tech thrash opera of yesteryear and fully aware of their propensity for terrible vocal performances, this new Horrendous album may be hard to parse but it is at least easy to categorize. If nothing else, Ontological Mysterium’s evasive nature may turn out to be a boon to its longevity in the metal cultural conscience. Or maybe just mine.
Spreadsheet statistics (as of 2 Jan 2024):
Number of albums appraised: 6611
Album rate average: 4.82/10 [weighted: 4.93/10]
Average rate given: 5.01/10
Number of scores logged: 14151
The year wouldn’t be a wrap without another no-caps installment of ferday’s fortune.
2023 – another degree in temperature, both climate and political. but we’re here for the music, or something like that, and the climate there has quite settled into an ice age. there were a few replayable greens, but overall the vortex top 10 was the standard collection of just-bland-enough-for-everyone-to-light-green, which makes sense mathematically. at least we’re still not RYM, although i’m still holding out for the buyout offer.
more notably than the music, ‘23 brought us back our interminable founder, goldicot, who not only blessed us with his presence but made good on beating the vortex yearly listening record, resoundingly. good on ya, golds, may the mental damage be less severe than it probably (obviously) is. also notably, for me at least, there was one album that may eventually make a reliquary update (theoretically speaking, of course). this of course is the now legendary curta’n wall, which even if you don’t like it, you have to admit that they did not waver even in the slightest from their vision, and that alone deserves some good emotes. somebody buy meri some nitro please.
whilst music itself certainly didn’t, and won’t (if we’re being honest) get any better, the listening went much better personally than the last few years and remained enjoyable to the last. or perhaps, good behaviour granted a minor level change in the hell that is the vortex. either way, a pleasant rhythm has been established now and that isn’t always the worst thing, at least for a while.
may 2024 be a good year for all of you that read this, and thanks for being a continued part of this social-experiment-gone-wrong that has somehow survived longer than most democracies. oh, and to the tourists…live a little, if only once. 2024 is your year.
They can take our emotes but they’ll never take our hawaiian shirts!